Well, we’ve gone our separate ways. Jesamine has returned to lovely Campervan James. Our threesome has returned to a twosome. And while I feel I should be sad, to be honest, I feel relief.
I loved being on the road with Jesamine and Molly, but I had to call the AA a few times and I’m not at all mechanically minded so whenever I wanted something checking, I had to book her into the garage. Sadly, I don’t have deep pockets or the inclination to learn about engines.
Added to that, I just haven’t been out and about as much as I’d expected. Naively, I’d thought that being away from home would help to forget the loneliness that’s drilled into my bones. But I’ve found that there’s no escape from it – you just cart it around with you. And in a funny way, I felt more lonely sitting all alone in the campervan surrounded by families and groups of friends having fun. Well, not lonely as such. I missed Tim.
It all became a bit much. Getting Jesamine was supposed to be fun, easy, a new life. But I found I didn’t want to let go of my old life. Tim and I had planned to travel together. That meant all the planning, driving, navigating, setting up would be shared – I was exhausted doing it all alone and it only underlined that he’s not here.
But I haven’t shelved my dreams of exploring the UK coastline. I’ve still got my tent and there is the luxury of B&Bs. I’m still going to do it, but in my own way, in my own time.
Wish me luck.